I parted company with a woman that I had become very close to. In fact, although we had been together for less than a year I was closer to her than to any of my previous girlfriends.

The reason we were so close is because we had confided in one another, shared our innermost thoughts/secrets and built a trust that I'd never experienced before. So when she wanted 'out' it was particularly difficult for me, not least because I will probably never know the real reason why!

The days that proceeded our demise, I went through a whole range of emotions which, although I was without doubt caught up in them, I was also observing them at the same time; realising that they are not what I am (if you can see something at work in your life then the very fact that you can see it means it can't be you!). So to say "I am bitter" is in fact incorrect but certainly I was experiencing the demon of bitterness, amongst many other emotional demons that plagued me at that time of despair and loneliness.

As you know, healing tends to coincide with the passing of time, and as time went by I began to be more objective and started to look at my life more evenly. I began to realise something that eventually released me from my emotional demons. One day I asked myself the question, "Gary, are you happy with your life, with the way it is now?" The answer was a resounding Yes! Then here is the key I was looking for - had my life not been EXACTLY as it had been, I would not be the person I am today. My EXACT past had led me to where I am now. Had my past been ANY different I would be a different person today.

How could I blame anyone else for the gifts of wisdom that they had unknowingly given to me? Had I not had all of those unsavoury experiences, I would not know now what I now know.

So to judge others would be to miss the point and thus be in error. No! Blessed be they that have shared a drama with me and brought me unknowingly to the crest of wisdom, which now beseeches me. Indeed, how else does one learn if not through the experience of making mistakes and the acceptance of others that do the same? If we change as a result of capturing the wisdom from our experiences, but they continue to err, does that wrong them? I don't think so - do you?

So I sat down and I realised that everything is just an experience, for us to learn from and not for us to judge, if we want to become wise people. If we judge others for their mistakes then we are conveniently overlooking our own errors in favour of supporting our tyrannical viewpoint.

I finally realised that my bitterness and hurt was due to my own lack of understanding and my inability to 'let go', which again was due to my own lack of wisdom. Life is not perfect and it never will be, and the sooner we understand that and accept this reality, the better.

The sign that we have conquered our distorted viewpoint of perfection, is when we never judge anybody by how they look. Only then will we see clearly that the only real difference between people is the different array of attitudes they are driven by.

Because I was happy with the deliverance of my past to my now situation, I revisited my past and blessed all of those unsavoury and unpalatable moments. I found forgiveness not only for the other people involved but also for my part in the drama with them. When I had finished the process, I was no longer bitter; the demons no longer had a place in my psyche to cling to.